Sober

It's 1.20am now and I'm sitting in front of my office's computer, many things rush through my head and I'm not feeling so good after all. Why am I feeling emo and unhappy?

I've been working for 9 weeks now, and that actually gave me a lot of experience that I never thought of. I've been interacting with different people, working with different people and deal with different people. Unfortunately what I can say is that I failed terribly.

Why? How? Let's say that there's someone that appear to be outgoing, love to socialize, and taking the credits to himself beat my ass real bad. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike him because I take him as my friend and we went to Uni together. Just that because of his outgoing and good at socializing, everyone tend to like him more than me.

There is time that he knows nothing and I offer my help, teach him everything that I know, everything that I learn and everyone else recognize his effort, not mine. Of course, he never share to others that I'm the one that's helping him from behind. Should I stop helping?

How pathetic of me. Naive. And now, everyone in the office is saying how good he is, how excellent is his performance and I'm the one that always need someone to guide and eventually they feel sick of it and my capability is doubt.

I'm angry, I'm sad and I'm disappointed at myself, I don't understand why is my effort not recognize nor appreciated by anyone in the office? Is it the way that I speak? I swear to God that I'm keeping all my troubles and issues to myself. I won't tell anyone in the office what is my problem and I will handle everything on my own.

Looking at everyone passed by greeted him and ignored me, smile to him but avoided me, it hurts bad, real bad. I wish that he was not working with me, I wish that he were in my shoe, I wish that everyone see the effort I'm putting, I wish that you guys appreciate me.

Sorry, but I don't think I could open myself to you all, anymore...