Sober

It's 1.20am now and I'm sitting in front of my office's computer, many things rush through my head and I'm not feeling so good after all. Why am I feeling emo and unhappy?

I've been working for 9 weeks now, and that actually gave me a lot of experience that I never thought of. I've been interacting with different people, working with different people and deal with different people. Unfortunately what I can say is that I failed terribly.

Why? How? Let's say that there's someone that appear to be outgoing, love to socialize, and taking the credits to himself beat my ass real bad. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike him because I take him as my friend and we went to Uni together. Just that because of his outgoing and good at socializing, everyone tend to like him more than me.

There is time that he knows nothing and I offer my help, teach him everything that I know, everything that I learn and everyone else recognize his effort, not mine. Of course, he never share to others that I'm the one that's helping him from behind. Should I stop helping?

How pathetic of me. Naive. And now, everyone in the office is saying how good he is, how excellent is his performance and I'm the one that always need someone to guide and eventually they feel sick of it and my capability is doubt.

I'm angry, I'm sad and I'm disappointed at myself, I don't understand why is my effort not recognize nor appreciated by anyone in the office? Is it the way that I speak? I swear to God that I'm keeping all my troubles and issues to myself. I won't tell anyone in the office what is my problem and I will handle everything on my own.

Looking at everyone passed by greeted him and ignored me, smile to him but avoided me, it hurts bad, real bad. I wish that he was not working with me, I wish that he were in my shoe, I wish that everyone see the effort I'm putting, I wish that you guys appreciate me.

Sorry, but I don't think I could open myself to you all, anymore...

Happy Father's Day!

It's another Father's day! I didn't know time flies superbly fast! It feels like yesterday that I sent my dad a sms. But anyway I pray that all father may you have a special day with your family. Take this time to enjoy your day! God Bless You!

Accident, AGAIN.

Urgh, I hate the fact that when I'm rushing to do anything and yet I don't get involve in anything but when I'm driving normally and happily accident would occur. Why?

This afternoon when I was on the way to my work suddenly the old BMW 5 series pop up from the right coming to me as I was turning to left. Suddenly she emergency brake! So what can I do? Was I really that close to her back? As far as I concern I was, because the place was having traffic. Everyone was moving like around 50, I guess?

What pissed me off is that why did she emergency brake? Once I get down of my car and I run to hers, she don't even dare to say anything to me. You know why? Because she is scare and I'm pretty sure I'm not in fault because we were already at the same lane. But what suck the most is that JPJ states that anyone who bumps the other person at the  back is consider wrong, NO MATTER WHAT!

I really hate it because it's stupid and it doesn't make any sense at all. So does it means that I can purposely go emergency brake and let people hit me at the back? If so, I can modify my car anytime I like to! Bullshit!

Of course that means that I need to pay for her bills! You must be wondering how much it is and how serious is her car? How funny, it's just some minor scratches. As for me, my radiator broke, skirting gone, head lamp done, signal in heaven now. How much to fix my car? I have no idea yet s I'm still waiting for calls. But I paid couple of hundreds to her! URGH! The funny thing is that she even requested to get a new rear skirting on me! WTF?!

Her skirting's condition wasn't in good shape before this, the foreman told me that. Yet she stood so strong requested I change a brand new whole set of skirting for her! My foreman was very furious and walk up to her pass her the couple of hundreds telling her "Take it or leave it" and so we left the place.

The lesson that I learn today, never ever follow a female driver at the back. Try to avoid as much as possible, but if really we have no choice, STAY AWAY from them! I'm so pissed off that I have no way to express my feelings!

URGH!!!!!

I pass!

VT ain't an easy job seriously. Like I mention earlier which I need to multi-task couple of things in 1 time. It's pretty hard thing for me, but as soon as I get used to it, it's just a very simple job to me. I can do it pretty well now. What I can't believe is that my seniors are asking me to look over the others interns. Shocking but rewarding because it also means that they look upon me.

This week my job is to go out and take care of other assignments. Which also means that I will have a lot of opportunities to interact with other people in the field as well as practice my camera skills. The scary part is the post production. Honestly when I see how my seniors edit it, they do it so so well and make me feel like I don't even know how to edit it. I have couple of footage to edit for these few days. I can't afford to lose my focus.

I'm not really feeling well now due to 1 week of hard work total non stop hardcore working from day till midnight. I don't think I'm trying to boast but I think I did a pretty good job. I'm very happy with everything so far. But it also means that I'm going to have more things coming ahead of me. Gotta prepare for it!

Mistakes

Today whole day sticking myself to the editing of my Quickie footage to be used tonight. Everything went very well I did all the recording that we need and stuff but tough luck, I screwed up some part during the live show. I skipped the phone super and due to last minute changes I messed up the whole 2nd segment. I lost track of the time available for 2nd segment and needed help from Akmar and Daniel which I don't really want.

It's not that I could not handle the VT myself, I'm not nervous at all. In fact, I was kinda confident while doing it, but just because of minor mistakes it caused the whole timeline to messed up. So frustrated of myself. Tomorrow (Saturday) and day after tomorrow (Sunday) I'll be doing VT all by myself, I can't afford to do any mistakes and I won't allow myself to repeat my own mistakes. I will do the best that I could and not let my seniors down. If they can do it, I can do it!

Showdown 2011 Season 2

So today we went to ICT, Shah Alam for the live Showdown 2011 Season 2. Honestly I must say that the atmosphere there is way much better than what you saw in TV. It's very dull all I can say. 1 day you should push yourself here and get hold of it.

Hafiz is really really busy hosting the show, why? Because he have to control the crowd, memorizing his lines, focus on camera, interacting with the contestants while directors giving him orders what to ask, say and tell through his ear piece. Awesome eh? This is what I call it as super multitasking!

Here is our judges, I'm sitting pretty far away from them and lazy to walk to them and snap a picture. I prefer to watch the dance. LOL!

Here is 1 of the camera on the set behind the crowds to shoot some awesome footage for you guys. It's not an easy job. They are always on call by the directors in control room on how they should shoot it. NON STOP.

I didn't get to shoot all of the contestants dancing because the lighting was really gloomy and over exposed at times. This is all I can get!

Hafiz is talking to the dance crew while panel of judges is giving comments about their dance steps.

Now this is how it looks like at the control room. We got directors, producers, MCR, MCP, VT, Lighting man, Audio man, etc. Trust me that you don't want to be inside here. The director and producer will be yelling non stop at all times! 

Showdown had a little fight among the contestants this week. EPIC! I love the fights because it is a reality show, fights are unavoidable. That's all I can bring to you today! Stay tuned for more awesome updates! I will be in charge of VT playbacks and live tomorrow! God bless my soul!

I said I'll fight back

Day 2, working in office today is really really easy. I came to the office around 830 to clean up the desk and tables and prepare for the day. I didn't know how fun it is till me, Paul and Chelsea were assigned to follow Jessica and Andrea to do our assignments. Why? Because I was thinking that it will just be another story to cover, talking to the organizer and shoot some videos, but I was so so wrong!

So when we reached the place in KL for the press conference, we registered ourselves as 8tv crew's intern and they gave us 2 packs of freebies consist of facial masks, a very nice key chain, Korea tour guide book, 4GB pen drive and lots of it. I was quite happy for that until we were treated with an awesome Japanese lunch by Executive Director (Gavin). He's a passionate, friendly and visionary guy, I admire him really really much. Hopefully someday he will see the market of Metal and Hard Rock music in Malaysia someday and try hard to push us out!

Yesterday I was badly beaten up by VT's job scoop. For me it's way too much to handle in little time. But today I spent hours and hours sitting in front of the ingest room with my senior Akmar role playing on how to run the system. I didn't fully master it yet but at least I got it around 30%. I know I'm a slow learner and I really need a lot of practice to make it perfect. I have another 1 or 2 days to practice before throwing me alone with the systems.

I said I'll fight back even it'll take everything that I had. But I'll never give up. I know I will get screw by my seniors these 1 or 2 days because of mistakes, but without mistakes I will never have a chance to know where I went wrong and overcome it. I just have to straight up, stand still and prepare for the bullet. I'll take it like a man.

Tomorrow I'm going to be at Showdown 2011 @ ICT, Shah Alam. It's WAR!